For those 9-5'ers you're HALF WAY DONE!!! To the shift workers out there.. happy work day or happy day off (you never know!).
Today I'm going to do a random post about relationships. I got inspired because one of my bestie's, Amanda gave me inspiration on her happy and healthy relationship. Love her!
I remember when the BF and I first started dating. We starting dating kind of long distance. I was doing a nanny job through the summer of 2007 in Picton and we pretty much only got to see each other 2 days each week. He would make the effort and come to visit me and I would go visit him as much as I could, but we definitely missed each other like crazy!
We have now been together for close to 4 years (july 4th will be officially 4 years as a couple). We have a house together, share a car together and we make it work, which is amazing and helps us save some money right now.
One thing I notice is that I really miss the guy when I'm not with him. I mean, we have had our shares of ups and downs and sometimes even fought to the breaking point of "should we really be together?" That was scary! The thing is, we developed a relationship at the beginning of being apart that when we were together, we were inseparable! We really missed each other!! What a good feeling, who doesn't love to me missed??!!
Being together for 3.5 years now and having the house, we are together quite a bit (obviously). Sometimes together too much at a time where we both know that sometimes we need a short break to re-connect and miss each other again. Work counts but not really.
When BF and I are together non-stop, everyday blah blah blah, we forget how to miss each other. We tend to fight more, annoy each other more and all in all, unappreciate each other's prescence. I am a little more "wanna be together" than BF is. I grew up in a broken household with no father figure, so it's easier for me to want that male comfortness that I never got from my father. Sucks.. I know, but I'm learning!
Going through these years with the BF, has made me realize that if I don't start having my own hobbies, doing fun things with my girls, having random nights out for a girlie movie date, lattes, shopping etc.. we will be doomed!! Being together ALL THE TIME is so unhealthy and I've realized that.
I used to get so upset when the BF wanted to go away for a weekend with his university buddies, I would be sad, I would nag, I would be the worst girlfriend in the world because I didn't have anything to keep me occupied while he was gone. BF was my life, my best friend and in my eyes "the only person in my life" at that time. Yes.. I know, it's sad. The thing is, we were almost broken because of it!!! I felt like I had lost my girlfriends, my independence and my ability to think and make decisions by myself. I almost put BF into a parent role if you can understand that.
I used to be around couples that are inseperable. Almost validated what I was doing was the right way of life. I have come to realize that it isn't. It's funny because most of our learning is from everyday life, people, books, family,friends etc. I was making all the wrong choices thinking it was the right choice. follow me?? What I have learnt is that if I don't let BF do things that he loves, he is going to resent me. If I don't allow him to go away for a night with his university buddies (awesome guys btw) then he's going to resent me. If I don't allow him to have his hobbies (hockey, gym, sports shows, proline golf etc.) he's going to resent me. See the pattern? It's also vice versa, but I'm just talking about my view right now. What bothered me wasn't that I didn't trust him because I trust him so much, it's the fact that because I felt so needy at the time and he was the only friend I allowed myself to have, letting him go out and doing things without me was leaving me with nothing, even if it was just to the grocery store. It was awful and I hated the fact that I felt like I was forgotten.
Having and doing the things YOU love in life makes you who you are. If I surround myself with BF every second of the day that I'm not at work, I'm losing a part of my independence and I have come to realize that. I'm not saying that you need to be apart all the time to be happy. BF and I are together lots and it's awesome, but sometimes it's good to let him go do something he likes to do without me because when he comes back, he missed me and WANTS to spend time together and I love it!!
It took us many fights, and many hated comments for us to realize that each of us needs certain things to feel fullfilled everyday by each other, and if we don't smarten up, we won't be happy.
I love BF and I know he loves me unconditionally. We have been putting in amazing effort over the last few months and have been happier than ever with each other and the fullfillment we are getting from each other. Gosh I love him!
Getting into an unhealthy pattern everyday with your sweetheart could be disasterous or so fullfilling. It's a choice!! I see people everyday who have the most healthy relationships because they are not "relying" on their sweetheart to fullfill their happiness, they do it themselves. That to me, is what a successful marriage will be like for them...A SUCCESS!!
Being away from the BF these past couple of days makes me really miss him and I think that's important in a relationship.. to be missed sometimes, even just for a few hours. I know couples who have to be apart for days or weeks before they can see each other but when they do, their quality time is so precious and fullfilling and their bond is stronger than ever!
This post is just something that I wanted to share because if you really love someone, you will, with no question, allow them to enjoy their life too, and sometimes enjoying things they do in life doesn't always include you, but that's ok!! for example.. Ry loves to golf, loves to watch sports, loves to get together with his uni buddies for a poker night and I don't. It's more enjoyable for him to do those things without me and with his friends, because he is more fullfilled and happier doing those things with his boys rather than with me.
All in all, it's so important to remember who you are, that you are you're own person, with your own views, your own loves and your own life. What would you do if that person wasn't around anymore or heaven forbid, passed? When you have your life set, you're more likely to a happier, successful and loving person to your sweetheart because you aren't living their life, you are including them in yours.
I am not saying that BF and I don't have our share of fights because we do, but we are less likely to have underlying issues come out as we did in the past.. because really... when each person in a relationship isn't getting their needs fullfilled, the resentment and tension just tend to come out and the fight ends up getting really bad because resentment comes to show it's ugly head.
Thanks for reading luvies...I think it's important to talk about real life issues because going through stuff is hard, and it's good to know that others go through the same things. I am not the "girfriend of the year" but I would like to think that this has opened my eyes to see, that we only live life once. Just because I'm not attached at the hip to BF doesn't mean he doesn't love me, because he does even more when I step back and let him enjoy his life too! it's only fair.
If you have a story you would like to share or ask me, email me or visit my formspring page at www.formspring.com/colbyavery
Here is me and my sweets
See you tomorrow for more beauty blogging!!!
xo
mel
